TGIF // 05


Hi guys. How are you? Is it weird to start a blog post that way? I guess it’s not like you can respond, but I do genuinely want to know how you all are. Also, I’ve always liked writing letters and starting a post this way makes it feels more like a letter – so whatever, I’m sticking with it. Hah.

I’m feeling a little drained today. I’ve been brainstorming about this post a bit throughout the week and as of this moment…I have NO idea what I’m going to write. So let’s see what comes out, here goes.

This week I’m trusting grace. I guess this goes with last week’s theme of not trying too hard to be worthy or perfect – but the theme continues and I’m trying more and more to rest in grace. I feel like when you really grasp the idea of grace it’s life changing…but then the concept slips away and we forget. It’s kind of like when you try really hard to imagine eternity or infinity…sometimes, for a second, you get this glimpse of it and feel sheer terror or awe…but then it goes as fast as it came. You know? So sometimes when I really understand grace I get this overwhelming sense of rest and peace..but then life goes on and I return to my neurotic self who is constantly striving for something I can’t earn. So I’m trying to meditate on it more, and trust it more…we’ll see where it leads.

This week I’m feeling grateful for nature. I know, sorry, I’m not trying to be all deep or get hippie on you (even though I am kind of a hippie at heart), but nature is something that can always calm me down or lift my mood. I leave the house for work at 7am, just as the sun is starting to rise, and this week I have seen the most AMAZING sunrises on my drive in. I love starting my day soaking in that beauty and being in awe of how amazing this planet is. It’s funny how you can watch a million sunrises and it never gets old. It’s always striking, always different. That being said – I’ve been saddened by some things this week going on in Washington that show very little regard for the Earth, it’s beauty, and it’s importance. But more on that another time, maybe. For now, this poem – because she is the BEST at capturing the subtle miraculous moments I often experience when paying attention to the world.

Lately, I’m finding so much inspiration in music. I tend to go through phases with music where sometimes I don’t listen to it very much. I mean, I’ve always loved it and it’s been a big part of my life, but I can get kind of burnt out and occasionally just appreciate silence instead. But right now I’m devouring album after album – I’ve had fun exploring new stuff and returning to old stuff. You can see a playlist I posted here.

Lastly, faith. I was listening to this podcast on finding our calling and heard the speaker say this,

“God is actually most near to us when everything is falling apart. In those times, when God is most near, the people trying to help us access the nearness of God are sometimes so profoundly in the way.”

*Side note: this quote came after a clip he shared from the movie Hunt for the Wilderpeople – if you haven’t seen, it’s so good!

I think this quote is, sadly, so true. And I see it happening again and again in most organized religions. The focus is on doctrine or theology or rules – and those things can often just get in the way of people actually experiencing God. At some point we were told not to trust our experiences, but to trust in what someone at the front of the church was telling us instead. I think it’s a good thing to be aware of – and if you’ve experienced that kind of thing…don’t let it turn you off completely. Don’t let someone else ruin something that can be so good and beautiful. Discover it for yourself.

That’s a lot of text. Thanks for sticking with me to the end.
I hope you all have a good weekend, wherever you are!

Yours,
Marci

*Main image is a painting I did recently, you can see more of my artwork here.
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currently reading: my ántonia

mya

one march evening in my sophomore year i was sitting alone in my room after supper. there had been a warm thaw all day, with mushy yards and little streams of dark water gurgling cheerfully into the streets out of old snow-banks. my window was open, and the earthy wind blowing through made me indolent. on the edge of the prairie, where the sun had gone down, the sky was turquoise blue, like a lake, with gold light throbbing in it. higher up, in the utter clarity of the western slope, the evening star hung like a lamp suspended by silver chains – like the lamp engraved upon the title-page of old latin texts, which is always appearing in new heavens, and waking new desires in men.

words: willa cather | my ántonia pg. 158
photo: iphone

possession

bigbend

the things i wish for are:
a color. a forest.
the devil and ice in my mouth.
everything
that can’t be owned.
a leopard, a life, a kiss.
you
never let me down.
to know that you have wanted me too
is as good as the deed
of trust.

words: barbara kingsolver | another america p. 65
photo: iphone | big bend, tx

in dreams

dreams

in dreams, nothing is lost. childhood homes, the dead, lost toys all appear with a vividness your waking mind could not achieve. nothing is lost but yourself, wanderer in a terrain where even the most familiar places aren’t quite themselves and open onto the impossible…

words: rebecca solnit | a field guide to getting lost (pg. 182)
photo: iphone | austin, tx

imagining defeat

shoes

she woke me up at dawn,
her suitcase like a little brown dog at her heels.

i sat up and looked out the window
at the snow falling in the stand of blackjack trees.

a bus ticket in her hand.

then she brought something black up to her mouth,
a plum i thought, but it was an asthma inhaler.

i reached under the bed for my menthols
and she asked if i ever thought of cancer.

yes, i said, but always as a tree way up ahead
in the distance where it doesn’t matter.

and i suppose a dead soul must look back at that tree,
so far behind his wagon where it also doesn’t matter

except as a memory of rest or water.

though to believe any of that, i thought,
you have to accept the premise

that she woke me up at all.

words: david berman / “imagining defeat” from actual air
photo: iphone / hillside farmacy (austin, tx)

compassion

IMG_0762

have compassion for everyone you meet
even if they don’t want it
what seems conceit
is always a sign
always a sign
always a sign
for those you encounter
have compassion
even if they don’t want it
what seems bad manners
is always a sign
always a sign
always a sign

always a sign
of things no ears have heard
always a sign
of things no eyes have seen
you do not know
what wars are going on
down there, where the spirit meets the bone
down there, where the spirit meets the bone
down where the spirit meets the bone

for everyone you listen to
have compassion
even if they don’t want it
what seems cynicism
is always a sign
always a sign
always a sign
always a sign

always a sign
of things no ears have heard
always a sign of things no eyes have seen
you do not know
what wars are going on
down there, where the spirit meets the bone
down there, where the spirit meets the bone
down where the spirit meets the bone

words: lucinda williams | compassion – from the album down where the spirit meets the bone

photo: iphone | austin, tx

free

Image

brothers and sisters, although God called you to be free, don’t use your freedom as an excuse to do all of the things which your physical body wants. instead, serve each other through love. the entire law is made complete in this one command: “love other people the same way you love yourself.”

words: the simple english bible | galatians 5:13-14

photo: iphone | austin, tx

more and more

Image

more and more frequently the edges
of me dissolve and i become
a wish to assimilate the world, including
you, if possible through the skin
like a cool plant’s tricks with oxygen
and live by a harmless green burning.

words: margaret atwood | (a selection from) more and more

photo: iphone | austin, tx