TGIF // 05


Hi guys. How are you? Is it weird to start a blog post that way? I guess it’s not like you can respond, but I do genuinely want to know how you all are. Also, I’ve always liked writing letters and starting a post this way makes it feels more like a letter – so whatever, I’m sticking with it. Hah.

I’m feeling a little drained today. I’ve been brainstorming about this post a bit throughout the week and as of this moment…I have NO idea what I’m going to write. So let’s see what comes out, here goes.

This week I’m trusting grace. I guess this goes with last week’s theme of not trying too hard to be worthy or perfect – but the theme continues and I’m trying more and more to rest in grace. I feel like when you really grasp the idea of grace it’s life changing…but then the concept slips away and we forget. It’s kind of like when you try really hard to imagine eternity or infinity…sometimes, for a second, you get this glimpse of it and feel sheer terror or awe…but then it goes as fast as it came. You know? So sometimes when I really understand grace I get this overwhelming sense of rest and peace..but then life goes on and I return to my neurotic self who is constantly striving for something I can’t earn. So I’m trying to meditate on it more, and trust it more…we’ll see where it leads.

This week I’m feeling grateful for nature. I know, sorry, I’m not trying to be all deep or get hippie on you (even though I am kind of a hippie at heart), but nature is something that can always calm me down or lift my mood. I leave the house for work at 7am, just as the sun is starting to rise, and this week I have seen the most AMAZING sunrises on my drive in. I love starting my day soaking in that beauty and being in awe of how amazing this planet is. It’s funny how you can watch a million sunrises and it never gets old. It’s always striking, always different. That being said – I’ve been saddened by some things this week going on in Washington that show very little regard for the Earth, it’s beauty, and it’s importance. But more on that another time, maybe. For now, this poem – because she is the BEST at capturing the subtle miraculous moments I often experience when paying attention to the world.

Lately, I’m finding so much inspiration in music. I tend to go through phases with music where sometimes I don’t listen to it very much. I mean, I’ve always loved it and it’s been a big part of my life, but I can get kind of burnt out and occasionally just appreciate silence instead. But right now I’m devouring album after album – I’ve had fun exploring new stuff and returning to old stuff. You can see a playlist I posted here.

Lastly, faith. I was listening to this podcast on finding our calling and heard the speaker say this,

“God is actually most near to us when everything is falling apart. In those times, when God is most near, the people trying to help us access the nearness of God are sometimes so profoundly in the way.”

*Side note: this quote came after a clip he shared from the movie Hunt for the Wilderpeople – if you haven’t seen, it’s so good!

I think this quote is, sadly, so true. And I see it happening again and again in most organized religions. The focus is on doctrine or theology or rules – and those things can often just get in the way of people actually experiencing God. At some point we were told not to trust our experiences, but to trust in what someone at the front of the church was telling us instead. I think it’s a good thing to be aware of – and if you’ve experienced that kind of thing…don’t let it turn you off completely. Don’t let someone else ruin something that can be so good and beautiful. Discover it for yourself.

That’s a lot of text. Thanks for sticking with me to the end.
I hope you all have a good weekend, wherever you are!

Yours,
Marci

*Main image is a painting I did recently, you can see more of my artwork here.

lately

last week i found out that my uncle randy passed away unexpectedly. i was completely heartbroken and shocked – he was the picture of health and so full of life. i can’t remember the last time, if ever, i’ve felt grief quite like this. most big losses i’ve felt at least came with some warning…but this was so sudden that i’m still struggling to comprehend the reality of a world without randy in it.

the first few days i felt physically sick. in his book, a grief observed, c.s. lewis talks about how he didn’t realize grief felt so much like fear until he experienced it when his wife died. anxiety, butterflies in your stomach, adrenaline…it’s weird how physical emotions can be.

anyway, i wanted to mention something about it here because it seems odd not to. it seems odd to move on to the next book report or music post and not at least mention how my world has shifted. we all have to go, but it seemed too soon for randy. he had a lot left to give and i just have to trust that there was a reason for it. i’m really thankful for the time he had here and all the hilarious stories he’s left us with. i was lucky to know him, and extra lucky to call him my uncle. 

^^ whenever i feel down or need a pick-me-up, heading to the natural gardener always helps. they sell lots of plants, flowers, and trees, but also have some animals and let people wander their grounds for free. here are some pictures i took today…the monarch is for randy. when we were kids he would bring us a little plant with a monarch caterpillar on it every year. we would watch it eat the leaves and get ready to transform…it was always a bit like christmas morning when it finally made its cocoon. a monarch chrysalis is beautiful, by the way, google it if you haven’t seen one. when the butterfly emerged we’d let it go free…it was such an awesome way to learn about nature and science. ^^


^^ she was pooped after a long day of exploring. ^^



^^ this gal’s name is biscuit and i don’t think she liked our dog, haha. ^^


^^ so thankful for brent. not sure what i’d do without this man in my life. ^^

xox,

marci

possession

bigbend

the things i wish for are:
a color. a forest.
the devil and ice in my mouth.
everything
that can’t be owned.
a leopard, a life, a kiss.
you
never let me down.
to know that you have wanted me too
is as good as the deed
of trust.

words: barbara kingsolver | another america p. 65
photo: iphone | big bend, tx

thousands

Image
out of the thousands
who are known,
or who want to be known
as poets,
maybe one or two
are genuine
and the rest are fakes,
hanging around the sacred precincts
trying to look like the real thing.
needles to say
i am one of the fakes,
and this is my story.

words: leonard cohen | thousands (book of longing)

photo: iphone | austin, tx